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Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10569) - you deserved it (42377)
On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17383) - you deserved it (1307)
On 08/26/2012 at 5:21am - misc - by ewww (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18764) - you deserved it (2420)
On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45778) - you deserved it (2382)
On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)
Today, at my job as a waitress, I patiently told an elderly customer that it wasn't OK to grab my butt. He started crying. I was fired for "being mean and unreasonable". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34103) - you deserved it (2407)
On 07/04/2011 at 2:33pm - work - by buttstothat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my sister was on shrooms. I wasn't able to tackle her before she called the cops to say that her books were trying to eat her face off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25396) - you deserved it (2574)
On 07/01/2011 at 3:41am - misc - by ugh annoying - United States (Minnesota)
Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29172) - you deserved it (7733)
On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56903) - you deserved it (2685)
On 06/01/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by aarone23 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39270) - you deserved it (5719)
On 11/30/2010 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by crushed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found out my girlfriend had sex with three different guys in one day. All at a party. A party that I was at. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39270) - you deserved it (5719)
On 11/30/2010 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by crushed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Monday 20 May 2013
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