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Kevdog824's FML badges
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Kevdog824's favorite FMLs
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by v1k1rox / 03/05/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML
by well SHIT / 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2014 at 4:31am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by waymoreiwanted / 02/14/2014 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML
by grandma / 02/08/2014 at 10:12am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
by mariana / 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anonymous / 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
by anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm / United States / Health
by khfhjfsb / 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
- Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready.… Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in… Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush…