Keno

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Keno

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5034
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Keno's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:24pm<b>hopiee</b> - the 05/03/2009 at 6:09pm

Keno's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Keno's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML

by TheBRADLeyB / 04/16/2009 at 2:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had brought her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the adderall they found in my desk. FML

by hatetheroommate / 04/16/2009 at 2:43pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

by yellow_sunflowers101 / 04/16/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I changed the locks on my apartment so my crazy ex girlfriend couldn't get in. I went to her house to return her house key. I accidentally gave her the key to my new locks, and can't find her old house key. Now I need her to come let me in to my own house. FML

by xnickx / 04/16/2009 at 10:47am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

by sad_gay / 04/16/2009 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

by filipinoclari808 / 04/16/2009 at 2:47am / United States (Hawaii) / Love

Today, I went shopping with my friend. The store was having a special where if you spend over $75 you receive a free T-shirt. I paid for my items and my total was over $75. The salesman didn't hand me a shirt so I asked him for one. He looks at me and says "I'm sorry, we only have Mediums." FML

by arrogantlondon / 04/16/2009 at 12:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent a cover letter to a potential employer. In the letter, I talked about my great attention to detail, my strong ability to focus, and my stellar writing skills. After hitting send, I reread the letter and noticed that I typed my name "B-R-A-I-N." My name is Brian. FML

by jusfonzin / 04/16/2009 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I decided to snack on some MandM's. I saw my dog sniffing something and realized one of my MandM's had fallen on the floor. To prevent my dog from eating the chocolate, I hurriedly snatched the MandM off the ground and ate it. When I bit down, I realized it wasn't an MandM. It was a dead beetle. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 9:22pm / United States (Georgia) / Health

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

by ananomoose / 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

by notpreggers / 04/15/2009 at 4:14pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML

by caramelkarma / 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

by oops123 / 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Love