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Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25873) - you totally deserved it (2895)
On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68707) - you totally deserved it (2073)
On 05/07/2009 at 3:11pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Italy (Toscana)
Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he proceeded to tell me about this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37978) - you totally deserved it (2458)
On 05/07/2009 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (24500) - you totally deserved it (47108)
On 05/07/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by ummPORQUE (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then proceeded to call out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17803) - you totally deserved it (66996)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I released some ducks I had hand raised with my sisters at a local lake. They were raised around my huge German Shepherd, which explains why they didn't freak out when two huge dogs came out of no where and killed three of them, in front of my little sisters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39314) - you totally deserved it (3988)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a moment pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you to." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42009) - you totally deserved it (3338)
On 05/07/2009 at 8:39am - love - by TrulyYours (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I looked down to see a tiny spider crawling on the inside of my leg, very close to my crotch. When I tried to brush it off, it only flew a couple inches because it was making a web between my legs. Even a spider knew that it's been awhile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73682) - you totally deserved it (7268)
On 05/07/2009 at 1:07am - intimacy - by qwertymay (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she proceeds to spill her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML
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On 05/07/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)
Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51259) - you totally deserved it (4907)
On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29416) - you totally deserved it (3433)
On 05/06/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by stupidlights (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I stopped at a red light. I noticed the car in front of me had the reverse lights on. I thought to myself "Meh, that person must know. They wouldn't do that." The light turned green. Turns out they didn't. Nor did they have insurance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36160) - you totally deserved it (2554)
On 05/06/2009 at 10:26pm - misc - by jezusflowers (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44411) - you totally deserved it (1183)
On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, as I was running a cute guy was coming towards me. As he was passing me, he yelled "nice tush!" I said thanks and slapped my ass flirtatiously. He stopped running, laughed and pointed to my crotch, replying "No, I said nice BUSH" I looked down to see my shorts had rode up a bit too high. FML
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On 05/06/2009 at 8:20pm - misc - by schmoodles - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
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On 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by FakeID (man) - United States (Georgia)
