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KaroKariert's FML badges
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KaroKariert's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML
by Fred / 05/26/2011 at 2:00am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
Today, I flipped out when I saw a centipede. I screamed, very loudly and in a very high voice. My girlfriend came into the room, stomped on it, picked it up and threw it in the trashcan. I apologized to her for the scene and all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML
by thenotsomanlyman / 03/07/2011 at 11:17am / United States / Animals
Today, I had my first job interview in months. The interviewer started by introducing herself and asking how I was. I got caught between introducing myself and telling her how I was and replied "I'm Kate thanks". FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 2:51am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML
by teach / 11/14/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by soldierboy / 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took Ambien for the first time. Not only did I not fall asleep, but I took my mother through a list of all the men I've slept with. I do not remember a thing, but apparently I was very thorough. FML
by tammyg / 02/11/2010 at 1:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by kbeavv / 02/11/2010 at 12:09pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids
by brileyyyy / 01/11/2010 at 10:40pm / United States (Missouri) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/25/2009 at 1:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by NoseInPain / 08/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
by Angelofkarma / 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…