About Kallian : I am an early childhood educator currently working with 3 to 5 year olds in a long day care centre. I am NOT a babysitter! Through years of study I have become qualified to educate children at a very impressionable time in their lives, when 90% of their brain development occurs. I believe in teaching our children to recognize and do what is right, instead of blindly obeying orders. Hopefully our newest generation won't turn out as dumb as the last...
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27219) - you deserved it (4005)
Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20534) - you deserved it (1852)
On 01/24/2013 at 7:28pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24430) - you deserved it (1506)
On 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Kallian - United States
Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29378) - you deserved it (5074)
On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27330) - you deserved it (1904)
On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37765) - you deserved it (2105)
On 12/29/2012 at 10:50am - love - by awkward. (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36720) - you deserved it (8090)
On 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Malaysia (Selangor)
Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27560) - you deserved it (9442)
On 12/20/2012 at 12:30am - intimacy - by djl (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19693) - you deserved it (6903)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by SApprentice (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19693) - you deserved it (6903)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by SApprentice (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16542) - you deserved it (5808)
On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7362) - you deserved it (50189)
On 12/09/2012 at 11:57am - intimacy - by SamWGovan (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5949) - you deserved it (17971)
On 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm - work - by jkmartinjk - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5385) - you deserved it (26376)
On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8462) - you deserved it (17920)
On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
