I like Harry Potter and South Park
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over a year is actually a very bored 14 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34604) - you totally deserved it (104198)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67591) - you totally deserved it (14142)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9324) - you totally deserved it (119390)
On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47967) - you totally deserved it (5383)
On 05/02/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by systeminitiated (man) - Canada
Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61687) - you totally deserved it (3609)
On 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57292) - you totally deserved it (2695)
On 05/01/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by smartgirl (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44897) - you totally deserved it (11106)
On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42883) - you totally deserved it (2286)
On 05/01/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I took the bus home. A bum sat next to me. Reeking with alcohol and sweat, he pulls out a pair of nail clippers and proceeds to clip his grimy finger nails. With every clip, the nails would fly up and hit me. As I was about to ask him to stop, a nail flies into my mouth. I swallowed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73947) - you totally deserved it (4457)
On 04/14/2009 at 8:19pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had a bunch of parties while my parents were out of town. I made sure to clean up absolutely everything, I even vacuumed the stairs. As they pulled up, I noticed all of the trash bags filled with beer cans blocking their way into the garage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4296) - you totally deserved it (48735)
On 04/10/2009 at 6:17am - misc - by blah (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, on the 6 train home, I had a gun placed against the back of my head and my wallet, watch, and iPod stolen. As soon as the robber got what he wanted, he turned and ran, dropping his weapon to the ground... I got mugged by a man wielding a F*ing Pez dispenser. FML
I agree, your life sucks (121658) - you totally deserved it (12176)
On 03/13/2009 at 2:08pm - money - by BobaFett (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was about 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on some homework. I took my headphones off for a second to adjust them. While they were off I heard some grunting and looked over at the man across from me. He was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52439) - you totally deserved it (1773)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by danesy - United States (New York)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (220865) - you totally deserved it (244761)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57894) - you totally deserved it (4726)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59037) - you totally deserved it (8394)
On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)
