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KELSEYJOHNSON23

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KELSEYJOHNSON23

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 966
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About KELSEYJOHNSON23 : Only ever use the FML app,

I can't stand people on here that take others comments too seriously.

KELSEYJOHNSON23's page activity

Visits<b>ostark</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 11:04am<b>Furby94</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 4:37pm<b>fuzzy101606</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 2:02am<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 11:20pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:41am<b>Bweav1</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 1:27pm<b>indy1</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 10:29am<b>waterski123</b> - the 10/07/2013 at 11:21pm<b>tacojauns</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 9:13am<b>brandonborgie</b> - the 11/24/2011 at 7:55am<b>jeffw1123</b> - the 11/20/2011 at 3:19pm<b>rhauiac</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 11:47pm<b>jakeshade11</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 4:36pm<b>Oritsuru</b> - the 10/19/2011 at 9:19am<b>roflinyourwaffle</b> - the 08/09/2010 at 4:01pm<b>danza</b> - the 08/08/2010 at 1:32am

KELSEYJOHNSON23's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of KELSEYJOHNSON23's badges

KELSEYJOHNSON23's favorite FMLs

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

#7492476
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7178) - you deserved it (34153)

On 01/22/2010 at 1:25am - intimacy - by masterzach21 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

#7198357
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37172) - you deserved it (2331)

On 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by Sanchez (man) - United States

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7761) - you deserved it (83585)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

#6808651
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37430) - you deserved it (2536)

On 12/18/2009 at 9:31am - love - by cheaters_should_die (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

#4644175
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68493) - you deserved it (3633)

On 08/18/2009 at 11:59pm - love - by Wowfmylife (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

#3478288
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56857) - you deserved it (2719)

On 07/04/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by hangup (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

#3262847
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8957) - you deserved it (115275)

On 06/27/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by notinflammable (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

#3225149
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37072) - you deserved it (2384)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65293) - you deserved it (6641)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

#2009898
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57828) - you deserved it (21641)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

#1068348
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (153716) - you deserved it (8481)

On 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm - intimacy - by gringa_Peru (woman) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

#597085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36460) - you deserved it (81196)

On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46119) - you deserved it (5563)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15570) - you deserved it (67942)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

#351
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40998) - you deserved it (15371)

On 11/20/2008 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by Tinker-Bell - Sent from mobile version



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