KELSEYJOHNSON23

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KELSEYJOHNSON23

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 August 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1474
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About KELSEYJOHNSON23 : Only ever use the FML app,

I can't stand people on here that take others comments too seriously.

KELSEYJOHNSON23's page activity

Visits<b>Draysor</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 2:29am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 7:32am<b>mehibud</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 11:25am<b>Wane8822</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 10:36pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 7:23am<b>chris_mates</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 10:07am<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 4:52am<b>SurfingPichu</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 6:29am<b>ostark</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 11:04am<b>Furby94</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 4:37pm<b>fuzzy101606</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 2:02am<b>RutnaPapagia</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 11:20pm<b>Arni792</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:41am<b>Bweav1</b> - the 12/21/2013 at 1:27pm<b>indy1</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 10:29am<b>waterski123</b> - the 10/07/2013 at 11:21pm<b>tacojauns</b> - the 01/08/2013 at 9:13am<b>brandonborgie</b> - the 11/24/2011 at 7:55am

Fucked!<b>mehibud</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 5:25pm<b>Wane8822</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 4:36am<b>chris_mates</b> - the 09/14/2015 at 4:07pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 10:52am

KELSEYJOHNSON23's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of KELSEYJOHNSON23's badges

KELSEYJOHNSON23's favorite FMLs

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

by masterzach21 / 01/22/2010 at 1:25am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

by Sanchez / 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

by rtrim29 / 12/26/2009 at 11:18am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

by cheaters_should_die / 12/18/2009 at 9:31am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my ex showed up at my door with chocolates and flowers. I've liked him since I was 13, starting dating him when I was 15. He proposed when I was 22. I am now 24, and yesterday was our wedding day. He didn't show. FML

by Wowfmylife / 08/18/2009 at 11:59pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I checked my voicemail. I was really surprised to hear an adorable message from my boyfriend, who was vacationing in Florida. I was even more surprised to hear him having sex with some other girl for the last seven minutes of the message. FML

by hangup / 07/04/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my friend told me that semen was inflammable. Later at night I jacked off into a sock and then, excitedly, tried to lit the sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very much not inflammable. Naked, I shook my sock in the air so it would extinguish while my semen splashed out all over my room. FML

by notinflammable / 06/27/2009 at 12:41am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I was cashiering at a grocery store when an elderly woman came through my line buying prune juice. She then whispered to me that last time she bought it, she "blew up her toilet". FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

by gringa_Peru / 04/17/2009 at 9:19pm / Peru (Lima) / Intimacy

Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML

by nomorebeard / 03/25/2009 at 10:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

by allyshah / 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

by Boredom / 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML

by Tinker-Bell / 11/20/2008 at 10:41pm / Intimacy