About KELSEYJOHNSON23 : Only ever use the FML app,
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Today, I realized that my pubes are longer than my penis itself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66692) - you deserved it (16937)
On 05/15/2011 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23424) - you deserved it (6362)
On 04/16/2011 at 6:20pm - health - by overflowing - United States (Texas)
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60881) - you deserved it (7586)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39339) - you deserved it (12262)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46232) - you deserved it (7108)
On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30126) - you deserved it (2310)
On 03/02/2011 at 12:24am - misc - by Acesup111 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, someone started an event on Facebook for tomorrow called Kick A Ginger Day. Over 300 people are attending. There are only two redheads in my school, and I'm one of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38311) - you deserved it (8233)
On 02/22/2011 at 1:30pm - misc - by Someone (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6362) - you deserved it (35825)
On 02/14/2011 at 12:31am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, the nicest thing said to me all day was from my microwave that flashes 'enjoy your meal' when it finishes cooking something. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19974) - you deserved it (2451)
On 02/06/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by bymyself -
Today, I noticed that after a month of using my gel, it never seems to empty. I then found out my older brother and his friends had been pumping their man-juice into it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58702) - you deserved it (4910)
On 02/04/2011 at 9:08am - intimacy - by theish -
Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59845) - you deserved it (5172)
On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47349) - you deserved it (6501)
On 11/13/2010 at 2:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to record us having sex and me screaming his name. He set it as my ringtone without telling me. I had my phone volume on high as I was hanging out with my family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27564) - you deserved it (7721)
On 08/18/2010 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by XxMe123xx - Sent from mobile version
Today, my four year old told my mother-in-law that our house is haunted because she hears a ghost at night saying "oh" and daddy's name as if they're hurt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21865) - you deserved it (12626)
On 08/06/2010 at 10:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25487) - you deserved it (4812)
On 03/20/2010 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by drew_ar85 (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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