Hi. My name is Julianne. (I'm the bluehaired one). My life is actually not that fucked, but sometimes life does scrue me over... :3
Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21440) - you totally deserved it (1186)
On 02/08/2010 at 7:28pm - misc - by disasterbutton (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7986) - you totally deserved it (20033)
On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20979) - you totally deserved it (4198)
On 01/09/2010 at 4:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I'm travelling to England for an important meeting. I'm Norwegian, and my name is Bård. I have to introduce myself as bored the whole day, because that's how my name is pronounced. FML
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On 12/08/2009 at 7:10am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)
Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I finally had it off. He sounds like Chewbacca when he comes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7373) - you totally deserved it (1500)
On 11/02/2009 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
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On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35461) - you totally deserved it (13689)
On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52187) - you totally deserved it (9396)
On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7850) - you totally deserved it (44150)
On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML
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On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - kids - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
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On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12069) - you totally deserved it (70364)
On 05/06/2009 at 2:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was feeling up my girlfriends chest. I was getting into it until she said "What are you doing?" I said I was rubbing her nipple. She replies, "Thats not my nipple, its a pimple." I felt up a pimple. FML
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On 04/29/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47615) - you totally deserved it (5660)
On 04/24/2009 at 6:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
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On 04/23/2009 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by snotface (man) - United States (New York)
