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Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (39874) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15715) - you deserved it (8125)
On 03/17/2012 at 8:45am - misc - by belieber101 - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27777) - you deserved it (5523)
On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37338) - you deserved it (7338)
On 02/02/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by Malakai - United States
Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML
I agree, your life sucks (30146) - you deserved it (3854)
On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25272) - you deserved it (3505)
On 12/01/2010 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16471) - you deserved it (46610)
On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was tidying my room when my gran came in and offered to help. I said I didn't need any, but she started going through it anyway. She found a tube of "Very Cherry" lube and asked what it was. I subtly tore off the label and tried to convince her it was a face mask. She's taken it to try it out tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18651) - you deserved it (6015)
On 10/10/2010 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by Dilly - United Kingdom (London)
Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (53883) - you deserved it (4291)
On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (462331) - you deserved it (574292)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Friday 24 May 2013
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