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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7124) - you deserved it (1475)
On 02/23/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by ZeroApostle4Ever - United States
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2889) - you deserved it (9656)
On 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by dunicha - United States (Texas)
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10017) - you deserved it (1538) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (3520)
On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39622) - you deserved it (20238)
On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27073) - you deserved it (35566)
On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44003) - you deserved it (6017)
On 03/19/2011 at 6:32am - intimacy - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9958) - you deserved it (51124)
On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46028) - you deserved it (9597)
On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6781) - you deserved it (20256)
On 09/27/2010 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23629) - you deserved it (4095)
On 09/26/2010 at 7:14pm - work - by lyssuhhhh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was watching tv with my grandpa, and he stops flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote lands on my stomach as my mom and grandma walk in the door. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27533) - you deserved it (2970)
On 09/24/2010 at 6:22am - misc - by Andrew - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23951) - you deserved it (23861)
On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17525) - you deserved it (30917)
On 07/17/2010 at 2:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28596) - you deserved it (3266)
On 10/16/2009 at 4:44am - animals - by Halloweenie (man) - United States (Hawaii)
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