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Jordanln97

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Jordanln97

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 14 September 1987 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 462
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About Jordanln97 : Unicorns and glitter.

Jordanln97's page activity

Visits<b>datine22</b> - the 10/03/2013 at 7:22pm<b>treschicmylove</b> - the 08/25/2013 at 10:28am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 12/21/2012 at 12:11am

Jordanln97's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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Jordanln97's favorite FMLs

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

#20539287
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49420) - you deserved it (24455)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37242) - you deserved it (5279)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38083) - you deserved it (8944)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35712) - you deserved it (6156)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

#20417856
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39733) - you deserved it (4057)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

#20412240
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41691) - you deserved it (8166)

On 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm - intimacy - by anonymaiacciu (woman) - France

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

#20398310
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27403) - you deserved it (1783)

On 12/13/2012 at 6:44pm - misc - by surrounded by dumbfucks (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dog did something I had no idea he could do. He participated in an all-male three-way at the dog park. In front of everyone. FML

#20199452
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22370) - you deserved it (2310)

On 12/10/2012 at 7:04pm - animals - by MoreActionThanMe - United States

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20340) - you deserved it (7842)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went to Hollister with my grandmother. She immediately started yelling about the music being too loud, and ordered the staff to "shut the damn thing off". She was yelling at a bunch of mannequins. FML

#20186953
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22320) - you deserved it (4073)

On 12/01/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by time to put you down, gran (woman) - United States

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7956) - you deserved it (23960)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29644) - you deserved it (4514)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33768) - you deserved it (5510)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

#20068483
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8298) - you deserved it (29369)

On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom



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