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Jon's FML badges
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Jon's favorite FMLs
Today, at Six flags, friends and I were going to ride "Superman". People lose their phones on it easily, so I asked a friend who decided not to ride to put mine in her bag. When it ended, I learned she went and asked an employee in navy to hold onto it, but couldn't find him. Employees wear yellow. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML
by Eyesore / 04/16/2009 at 5:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML
by klutz / 02/27/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
by Menareidiots / 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by hatethatiloveyou / 02/09/2009 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML
by douglisk1994 / 02/09/2009 at 7:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML
by iamnotfat / 02/06/2009 at 5:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Noname / 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Fag_Hag / 02/05/2009 at 8:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by frenchy / 02/05/2009 at 7:55pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by nycgirl424 / 02/05/2009 at 5:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
by PlayTag / 02/04/2009 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by EpicFail / 02/04/2009 at 6:29pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…