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Johnaldo

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Johnaldo

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  • Number of visits : 370
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Johnaldo's page activity

Visits<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:04pm

Johnaldo's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Johnaldo's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59228) - you deserved it (10100)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58095) - you deserved it (10580)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

#12837026
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38132) - you deserved it (7643)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:48am - love - by maebyf - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

#11994829
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38272) - you deserved it (3760)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

#9152447
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33119) - you deserved it (3886)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

#8658648
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53561) - you deserved it (2776)

On 02/26/2010 at 5:23am - love - by pain (woman) - Japan

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

#8294637
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35635) - you deserved it (7276)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:21am - love - by Ashlee - United States

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

#7609277
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42249) - you deserved it (11945)

On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

#6923345
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26741) - you deserved it (11840)

On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

#6532769
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (8670)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by SoVeryMonday (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24756) - you deserved it (2459)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

#5942211
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51572) - you deserved it (2737)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:30am - misc - by scarred - Sent from mobile version

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

#5911952
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53536) - you deserved it (2440)

On 10/20/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by BobbyHutchinson (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

#5910203
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43051) - you deserved it (5590)

On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

#5369029
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58662) - you deserved it (3564)

On 09/20/2009 at 9:21am - love - by dreamdude (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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