Johnaldo

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Offline (the 02/09/2015 at 10:55am)

Johnaldo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 864
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Johnaldo's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 6:17pm<b>Flippier999</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 8:51pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:04pm

Johnaldo's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Johnaldo's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

by no one / 05/21/2011 at 5:07am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

by Anonymous / 12/01/2010 at 12:11am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

by maebyf / 08/31/2010 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

by today / 03/17/2010 at 2:12am / Intimacy

Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML

by pain / 02/26/2010 at 5:23am / Japan / Love

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

by Ashlee / 02/15/2010 at 10:21am / United States / Love

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

by chanclepants / 01/27/2010 at 8:35am / Intimacy

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML

by SoVeryMonday / 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

by whatthef / 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

by scarred / 10/22/2009 at 8:30am / Miscellaneous

Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML

by BobbyHutchinson / 10/20/2009 at 11:57am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 6:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend of a year broke up with me because I didn't fight some guy that started hitting her right in front of me... In a dream. She was totally serious. FML

by dreamdude / 09/20/2009 at 9:21am / United States (Connecticut) / Love