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Joey44's favorite FMLs
by mel_bear_ / 03/14/2012 at 10:38am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love
by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 9:05pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for the first time. I cracked a joke that offended her, so she gave me the silent treatment. I had to pee, and since she wouldn't tell me where the bathroom was, I went to look for it. I walked in on her parents making love. FML
by banned / 03/09/2012 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by Karen / 03/04/2012 at 9:00pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
by scaredshitless / 03/03/2012 at 8:55am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML
by wtf dad / 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by JeffeeBojangles / 02/28/2012 at 7:46am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/25/2012 at 4:19pm / Virgin Islands British / Miscellaneous
Today, I got asked out for the second time in my life. Since my first date didn't go so well I thought I might have better luck with a different guy. I had to end the date when he confessed it was his destiny to kill his father. FML
by BadGuyLuck / 02/25/2012 at 1:33am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 7:30am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/24/2012 at 3:40am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML
by Whoopsie / 02/22/2012 at 10:53am / United States / Transportation
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like… Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He… Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy…