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JoeLouisBomber's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/01/2011 at 5:03am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
by KaySchrages92 / 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML
by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my roomie had guests over. I didn't feel like socializing, but I really had to piss. So I pissed in the plant in my room, spilled half of it, mopped it up with an old shirt, and went to bed. FML
by crankg / 10/21/2011 at 12:57am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Tony / 10/18/2011 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it's my sister's birthday. My parents got her a cat. I have serious allergies when it comes to cats. When I brought this issue up with my parents, they replied, "This day is not about you, it's about your sister." I can feel my throat tightening already. FML
by Cats...FML / 10/17/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML
by Frenchgirl / 09/15/2011 at 9:42pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 9:05am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
by CooBerry3851 / 08/28/2011 at 4:27am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 12:09pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals
by bursteardrums / 08/16/2011 at 11:00am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.…