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JoeLouisBomber's favorite FMLs
by Awkward / 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2012 at 9:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML
by cmck932012 / 06/26/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Georgia) / Work
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
by eww / 06/13/2012 at 2:13am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
by cockblocked / 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by CDeVeney92 / 03/17/2012 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Work
by The Last One / 03/11/2012 at 1:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
by Hannah / 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
by jess / 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by SpLo0gIeR / 02/13/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my girlfriend at the store and joyfully greeted her. She got really mad at me - it was her identical twin sister, who I still cannot tell apart from my girlfriend. We've been dating for three years. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Nanabanana1 / 02/06/2012 at 8:23pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 02/01/2012 at 10:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I drove home from work, only to find both my next-door neighbours loudly arguing in the middle of my driveway. I got out and asked them what the hell was going on, only to find out one of their inbred kids had put a brick through my back window, and each is claiming the other did it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 6:45pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by jjs51 / 01/23/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Transportation