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Jirekianu2's favorite FMLs
Today, I found the engagement ring I'd bought and been missing for a week. On my girlfriend's hand. While my childhood friend was inside her. They apparently like pretending she's married while doing this. They made this self-discovery a week ago. Good for them. I don't want the ring back. FML
by CogadhTallon / 12/29/2015 at 9:11pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML
by bob the builders pissed off daughter / 12/29/2015 at 6:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by debiebs / 12/29/2015 at 7:04am / Brazil (Bahia) / Love
Today, I found out that when my parents said they couldn't afford gifts for us kids, what they really meant was that they weren't buying a gift for me. I found this out when I overheard my father telling my uncle about the things he got my siblings. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2015 at 6:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while on the road, my dad called twice before I pulled over and answered the phone. He first got mad at me for not answering, and then again later for "paying attention to my phone" while driving. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I worked a short shift at work, getting sent home early because it was slow. In the time I was gone, my family decided surprise me by rearranging my room and put in my new desk. They also surprised me when I learned that they'd spilled a slushie on my very expensive computer. FML
by welp / 12/27/2015 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by oldskoolfun / 12/26/2015 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML
Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 12:40am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids
Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML
by probably on death row soon / 12/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2015 at 6:47pm / Australia (South Australia) / Love
by julieriis / 12/23/2015 at 1:03pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Transportation
Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML
by ChaoticGamer / 12/23/2015 at 10:15am / United States (California) / Animals
by natalie_sarantos / 12/22/2015 at 10:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
- Today, I went in for an appointment with my therapist. When she saw me, she gasped, "Are you okay?… Today I came out to my family as a lesbian. A few days ago, my brother came out as bisexual and my… Today, at my oldest sisters wedding she forgot something borrowed. she looked at me and said if I'm…