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JesusBean

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JesusBean

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
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  • Number of visits : 482
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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JesusBean's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70625) - you deserved it (12055)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML

#4649548
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13572) - you deserved it (35522)

On 08/19/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Keldar (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back. Trying to be the good cousin, I did so and he soon shouts "Run! Run!" so I do so. Suddenly he shouts "STOP! My winky's gone pointy". I gave my 6 year old cousin an erection. FML

#4637795
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56419) - you deserved it (4695)

On 08/18/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by Girl - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML

#4223881
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49276) - you deserved it (9389)

On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend came over so that we could have some "fun". It turns out, his idea of foreplay is squishing my breasts together and making them talk. FML

#4113781
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49774) - you deserved it (7801)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my family invited a bunch of their friends over for a party. At some point they decided to play some home videos from many years ago. In one of them, I was 7, I said, "Look Mommy! I can make my pee-pee bigger by doing this!" Everyone saw and laughed. FML

#4027991
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43392) - you deserved it (3939)

On 07/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 9 year old niece asked me if I was a virgin. I told her, "Yes, I'm saving myself until marriage". She replied, "That's a load of bullshit, you just can't get a guy!" Sadly, she's right. FML

#4025974
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48084) - you deserved it (8176)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:55am - kids - by Kimberly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

#3991086
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57677) - you deserved it (26166)

On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

#3669971
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55049) - you deserved it (8427)

On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

#3661940
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43733) - you deserved it (5876)

On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58986) - you deserved it (30725)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

#3637305
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (18884)

On 07/10/2009 at 11:08am - work - by unemployed (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm studying abroad in Russia, and I lost my keys to my dorm room. In the office I asked for a spare and she spoke really fast so I couldn't hear her. Assuming I don't speak Russian, she gets on the phone and calls maintenance saying, "There is this ugly girl about to cry... come fix it." FML

#3635779
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47746) - you deserved it (3165)

On 07/10/2009 at 8:50am - misc - by icanunderstand (woman) - Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City)

Today, my boss walked in my office to see me busy making a little Post-it dress for my pen. FML

#3610078
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11814) - you deserved it (51807)

On 07/09/2009 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

#3602440
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (53047)

On 07/09/2009 at 2:21am - health - by Fattypatty (man) - United States (California)



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