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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you deserved it (32696)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (1739)
On 12/19/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by stinkyhair (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25169) - you deserved it (3626)
On 11/03/2010 at 8:08am - work - by nurse (woman) - Reserved
Today, my best friend was doing my hair. She got frustrated and exclaimed, "It won't stay!" I replied with, "Just like your mom!" It was then that I remembered her mom had just left her dad and moved out of the house to be with someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6475) - you deserved it (45135)
On 10/17/2010 at 1:17pm - misc - by Nobody - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11028) - you deserved it (21805)
On 10/05/2010 at 5:01pm - animals - by jabba (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36325) - you deserved it (7753)
On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36325) - you deserved it (7753)
On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42491) - you deserved it (2623)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42491) - you deserved it (2623)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I found my favorite stuffed animal I had as a child in the trash bin. I took it out to find that it felt wet and smelt funny. Apparently, my younger brother cut a hole in the butt of it and used it to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42491) - you deserved it (2623)
On 09/21/2010 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my cousin came to visit from America. While out shopping, she said loudly that she was having trouble finding clothes to fit around her huge fanny, causing a lot of people to stare in our direction. I had to explain to her that "fanny" in the UK means "vagina." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27645) - you deserved it (2871)
On 09/09/2010 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21611) - you deserved it (9095)
On 08/18/2010 at 8:01am - misc - by Herbiee (man) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)
Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10194) - you deserved it (22195)
On 01/20/2010 at 7:23pm - love - by showerpower (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9210) - you deserved it (20497)
On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27620) - you deserved it (1694)
On 01/12/2010 at 8:10am - kids - by mickey1928 -
Monday 20 May 2013
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