About JazzyByProxy : "That that starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet."
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Judgmental
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend for the first time. When I took my underwear off, she looked at my penis, snorted, and covered her mouth. She claimed that her "allergies" were flaring and we have to wait until they clear up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23667) - you deserved it (2355)
On 05/01/2012 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by rolyat (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my wife woke me up by giving my erect penis a Chinese burn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20097) - you deserved it (2124)
On 04/28/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by poo4brains - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (1817)
On 04/25/2012 at 2:22am - intimacy - by intheairtonight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (19415)
On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)
Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML
I agree, your life sucks (16976) - you deserved it (3139)
On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7374) - you deserved it (17688)
On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I found out that my partner thinks love is more meaningful than sex, so it's okay to stick his penis in someone else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27327) - you deserved it (2466)
On 04/12/2012 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Munkeh (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10655) - you deserved it (34764)
On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (2019)
On 04/05/2012 at 2:47am - intimacy - by displeased - United States (North Carolina)
Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16587) - you deserved it (1503)
On 04/05/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Lionman (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22791) - you deserved it (2211)
On 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15340) - you deserved it (3680)
On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18365) - you deserved it (8858)
On 03/21/2012 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by tellingthetruth (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, my new boyfriend asked why it takes me so long to reach orgasm. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he's never even given me one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21706) - you deserved it (4543)
On 03/20/2012 at 1:11am - intimacy - by Jen (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I wondered if my orgasms are worth the bother, seeing as I get horrible "I feel like I'm dying" cramps every time I climax. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21494) - you deserved it (1706)
On 03/01/2012 at 10:54pm - intimacy - by imawesome - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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