i love girls. i love boys.
Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49079) - you totally deserved it (11355)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was gay. The executor read it out loud. My mom was the only one who knew. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66476) - you totally deserved it (4847)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:51am - money - by TSampson (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23262) - you totally deserved it (36995)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML
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On 06/10/2009 at 9:43pm - love - by Ryuga (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my baseball team had a game and one of our best players was injured sliding into first. I'm pretty fast so when the coach called my name I grabbed a helmet assuming it was finally my chance to get in the game. Turns out he just wanted me to get ice. The entire team couldn't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28496) - you totally deserved it (2188)
On 06/04/2009 at 7:48pm - misc - by fmlprobot (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49360) - you totally deserved it (6283)
On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I came home from work late (2:30am). As I snuck carefully into bed and laid down next to my sleeping future wife, my fiancee half awake said "No, no... Dan will be home soon." I am Dan. FML
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On 06/04/2009 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by no.no.dan. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75425) - you totally deserved it (1893)
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21021) - you totally deserved it (54608)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - misc - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I called Tech Support because the computer program wouldn't let me open files for my online classes. After an hour, and being walked through the downloading process multiple times. There was a pause and he said "You're a F*ing idiot." and hung up. It still won't work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34662) - you totally deserved it (13944)
On 06/02/2009 at 4:42am - misc - by holliefall (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9850) - you totally deserved it (29965)
On 06/01/2009 at 9:53pm - health - by dearme (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14479) - you totally deserved it (28544)
On 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Cail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, there was a parents bike race on the track at my high school for a fundraiser. My dad entered, and ended up winning. He did his victory dance with a massive erection showing through his spandex. Just about all of my friends, teachers, other parents, and the hot soccer team saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45507) - you totally deserved it (1734)
On 06/01/2009 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by biker2012 (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML
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On 05/28/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by thats_not_good (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, a 'salesman' came to my door wanting to tell me about the iPhone 3G. I told him I didn't need to know about it because I had just bought the white iPhone 3G for myself. He asked if he could see it. So I held it up, not giving it to him. He grabbed it, ran, saying "thanks for the iPhone, bitch!" FML
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On 05/27/2009 at 4:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
