About JadeKnives : Well, I am a human, a strange one. That is all.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21760) - you deserved it (3879)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22374) - you deserved it (3168)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4154) - you deserved it (36323)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14373) - you deserved it (8169)
On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, I learned from my daughter's teacher that she has been wearing the same shirt for the past few weeks, ever since we had a fight about how I don't pay attention to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5109) - you deserved it (47770)
On 10/15/2012 at 6:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19522) - you deserved it (6724)
On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20574) - you deserved it (1225)
On 10/12/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by Dino (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14892) - you deserved it (2105)
On 10/11/2012 at 3:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29978) - you deserved it (1468)
On 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm - animals - by AdamwithanA (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21108) - you deserved it (2686)
On 10/09/2012 at 6:21am - kids - by AFEmoWifey (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20110) - you deserved it (4289)
On 10/08/2012 at 3:14am - love - by stoych (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27397) - you deserved it (8831)
On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26942) - you deserved it (3095)
On 10/06/2012 at 6:04am - love - by Jex (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12338) - you deserved it (1322)
On 10/06/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Joey - United States (Nevada)
Monday 17 June 2013
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