About JadeKnives : Well, I am a human, a strange one. That is all.
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33751) - you deserved it (4228)
On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML
I agree, your life sucks (40393) - you deserved it (2559)
On 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42680) - you deserved it (4140)
On 06/12/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by firestar772 - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (49153) - you deserved it (8189)
On 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm - love - by lsababy (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50538) - you deserved it (13736)
On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (54831) - you deserved it (4108)
On 05/30/2013 at 12:29pm - kids - by life insurance for 1 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49868) - you deserved it (3225)
On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States
Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24248) - you deserved it (35407)
On 05/21/2013 at 11:01am - misc - by crappingrapping - United States
Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML
I agree, your life sucks (41283) - you deserved it (3029)
On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34338) - you deserved it (3398)
On 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45525) - you deserved it (2598)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56126) - you deserved it (11295)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53965) - you deserved it (2729)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53965) - you deserved it (2729)
On 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63038) - you deserved it (6890)
On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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