My name's not Jack. I'm not a stripper.
I'm a teddy bear in human form ^_^
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (80796) - you totally deserved it (38708)
On 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm - love - by Angelofkarma (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19287) - you totally deserved it (57217)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14225) - you totally deserved it (222034)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (348033) - you totally deserved it (14430)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (377246) - you totally deserved it (64787)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (283851) - you totally deserved it (15572)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (325015) - you totally deserved it (18041)
On 02/10/2009 at 6:06pm - intimacy - by misc (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I decided that I was bored while I was pooping and decided to paint my nails. I had to wait at least 30 minutes to wipe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1799) - you totally deserved it (23940)
On 01/26/2009 at 8:17pm - health - by crazyvulva9216 - United States (California)
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