About JTthePurpleNinja : I say what I think. I go on FML when I'm bored. I think grammar nazis are just as bad as the people they criticize.
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Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27684) - you deserved it (5663)
On 05/29/2010 at 12:14am - health - by fmlpanda (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (6593)
On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my house was the only house left that still had its Christmas lights up, so I decided to take them down. Almost done, my fingers brushed over a spiderweb. Startled, I jumped off the ladder and broke my shoulder. Oh, and the spider still managed to stay on my hand, giving me a panic attack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18544) - you deserved it (6840)
On 02/28/2010 at 12:05pm - animals - by Man vs. Spider - United States
Today, I realized explosive diarrhea can happen, and at the most inopportune times, such as on the day of MY wedding. At the alter while my husband said his vows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45593) - you deserved it (2034)
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29412) - you deserved it (3942)
On 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm - kids - by justme - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20975) - you deserved it (24241)
On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21883) - you deserved it (3705)
On 01/05/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - India (Madhya Pradesh)
Today, I was fined because my son pushed the alarm button in the elevator. Why? There was a spider in there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20366) - you deserved it (2477)
On 01/02/2010 at 10:22pm - kids - by arachnidphobia (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was shopping in a packed store when I started to feel faint. Since I was quite far along in the queue, I tried to hold out until I reached the front of the queue. Good news: I succeeded. Bad news: I then fainted at the counter, hit my nose, and shit myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22025) - you deserved it (2762)
On 12/22/2009 at 6:32pm - misc - by everyonewasstaring (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)
Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8089) - you deserved it (20490)
On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4524) - you deserved it (30426)
On 12/12/2009 at 3:36pm - misc - by ouch (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24350) - you deserved it (7173)
On 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I finally received a paycheck for the first time in six months. I celebrated by promptly falling down a flight of stairs and losing consciousness. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you deserved it (3388)
On 11/23/2009 at 5:12pm - work - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11838) - you deserved it (20754)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8521) - you deserved it (61631)
On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 20 May 2013
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