About JTthePurpleNinja : I say what I think. I go on FML when I'm bored. I think grammar nazis are just as bad as the people they criticize.
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Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5771) - you deserved it (24993)
On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7679) - you deserved it (17573)
On 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Zack - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21307) - you deserved it (1730)
On 03/25/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I had to yet again tell my mother-in-law that I wasn't going to name my unborn baby "Ermintrude" after her late mother. My husband told me to stop being difficult, and that he agrees that it would be nice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23358) - you deserved it (1439)
On 03/22/2012 at 1:14pm - kids - by futuremum (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6993) - you deserved it (16975)
On 03/08/2012 at 4:03am - misc - by wtf - United States
Today, I received the results of the exams that I re-took in order to improve my grades. I got exactly the same grades as before in all four exams. Point for point identical. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10355) - you deserved it (13274)
On 03/08/2012 at 3:06am - work - by stuckonrepeat (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9928) - you deserved it (23279)
On 03/03/2012 at 11:12am - health - by Buttscratcher (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (1615)
On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22458) - you deserved it (4188)
On 12/20/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by awalc - United States
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6896) - you deserved it (32802)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27996) - you deserved it (4974)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, my sister's boyfriend said the only thing he'd change about her was her last name. My boyfriend told me he'd change the shape of my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22027) - you deserved it (2851)
On 12/08/2011 at 4:14am - love - by disappoint - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28323) - you deserved it (4232)
On 12/04/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (2167)
On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9667) - you deserved it (28748)
On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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