About JTthePurpleNinja : I say what I think. I go on FML when I'm bored. I think grammar nazis are just as bad as the people they criticize.
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Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22362) - you deserved it (3494)
On 07/15/2012 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I mistook my dog's head for the gear shift while tearing down the highway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5325) - you deserved it (14368)
On 06/22/2012 at 3:41pm - misc - by hakura madada - Japan (Tokyo)
Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33866) - you deserved it (2725)
On 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16231) - you deserved it (2485)
On 06/18/2012 at 12:57am - love - by crazybitch - Canada (Alberta)
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29514) - you deserved it (2878)
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9150) - you deserved it (17086)
Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4881) - you deserved it (32391)
On 06/15/2012 at 5:43am - animals - by Anna (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20700) - you deserved it (7099)
On 06/12/2012 at 7:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)
Today, I got a new set of acrylic nails put on. While driving home, I had an urge to pick my nose. My car then went over a speed-bump. I now feel like my brain is bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6360) - you deserved it (28895)
On 06/11/2012 at 8:42am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23472) - you deserved it (1760)
On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14695) - you deserved it (26587)
On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8295) - you deserved it (20523)
Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23179) - you deserved it (3054) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/30/2012 at 6:41pm - kids - by Aldoch -
Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17670) - you deserved it (2028)
On 05/30/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18947) - you deserved it (1947)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Monday 20 May 2013
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