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JRFaceless's favorite FMLs
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML
by Username / 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by crudofalife / 07/04/2011 at 5:42am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML
by Hum / 07/02/2011 at 5:50pm / Switzerland (Ticino) / Intimacy
Today, as a part of my job, I took a couple around to look at houses that are on sale. After driving them around and looking at tons of houses, the wife said, "Okay. I think we have enough decorating ideas." FML
by Rachael / 06/30/2011 at 11:08pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 11:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by wispywee / 06/29/2011 at 1:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Geek
by notastoner / 06/19/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Washington) / Health
by mike oxsmall / 06/16/2011 at 1:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Braxam / 06/15/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Health
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
by :( / 06/14/2011 at 2:06pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML
by ninalian / 05/22/2011 at 2:30am / United States (Puerto Rico) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…