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JRFaceless's favorite FMLs
by ThisIsGonnaBeAwkward / 12/06/2011 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was called an 'inconsiderate scum bucket' by my neighbour because I allowed my loud alarm to go on too long before silencing it. The only reason that I sleep through my alarm is because I have to wear earplugs as they have their TV on maximum volume until 4am. FML
by Exhausted / 11/28/2011 at 1:07am / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML
by Meowingtons500 / 11/27/2011 at 11:02pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML
by roadkill0321 / 11/07/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Love
by Me / 10/27/2011 at 2:40am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was using the toilet and decided to check out some FMLs. One made me laugh out loud as my room-mate was passing by the bathroom. He now tells everyone my penis is so small it makes even me laugh every time I see it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 12:17pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 9:17am / United States / Love
by oxymorons / 09/05/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by d0rk_ / 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by AllieOops / 08/17/2011 at 5:14am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML
by Username / 08/05/2011 at 10:05am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls.… Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one… Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan…
- Today, I was texting my girlfriend. I went to reply to her message and somehow accidentally deleted… Today, I was helping my friend move into a new apartment. As we were carrying his table up a flight… Today, after having just got my car back from the mechanic I got stuck on the side of the freeway…