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Today , my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset , so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML
Today, I realizd just how messd up my life is, thanks to all the scare stories my wife sees on Dr Phil. She's now convincd that I'll start beating her someday. She's startd taking martial arts classes, an threatens to use her skills every time I get even slightly frustratd with her. FML
Today... I was enjoying a looool romantic cuddle on the couch with mah boyfriend... when he suddenly decidd to lift up mah shirt... stick his face into mah boobs... an go all Darth Vader on me. This includd heavy breathing an phrases such as... ( Amber... I am yur boyfriend. ) real FML
Yesterday my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
Today, after sex, mah boyfriend and I lay in bed fir a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice fir post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. fat FML
Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said ( I am going to stay unemployed forever! ) He was serious. FML
TODAY, MY USBAND AND I STOPPD AT A SCENIC OVERLOOK ON TOP OF A MOUNTAIN. I LOOKD DOWN AND NOTICD SEVERAL SMALL SELLS AND EXCITEDLY CALLD IM OVER. I SAID, "I CAN'T BELIEVE I FOUND FOSSILS ERE!" TE MOMENT IT CAME OUT OF MY MOUT, I REALIZD TEY WERE PISTACIO SELLS. SO DID E. MEGA FML
Friday 27 March 2015