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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10518) - you deserved it (22840)
On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16124) - you deserved it (32349)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28690) - you deserved it (6736)
On 07/09/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I realized that my wife is such a bitch normally, she's actually nicer when she is on her period. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28690) - you deserved it (6736)
On 07/09/2011 at 12:32am - misc - by Username - United States
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42869) - you deserved it (6041)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I spent almost two hours cleaning my fish tank, only to find out that my cat had secretly eaten all of my fish while I was cleaning the tank. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27300) - you deserved it (5923)
On 03/14/2011 at 3:52pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34638) - you deserved it (6933)
On 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm - intimacy - by Katrina (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21162) - you deserved it (11090)
On 01/28/2011 at 2:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18056) - you deserved it (5781)
On 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm - misc - by knickersdontfit (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, whilst driving to the store, an idiot driver found it to be okay to drive ridiculously fast in below freezing temperatures on the ice and snow. As he passed my car, I angrily gave him the finger. And then I realized I was wearing mittens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13447) - you deserved it (20755)
On 11/25/2010 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26678) - you deserved it (6855)
On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34346) - you deserved it (10981)
On 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by neverdateaclosetcase (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33836) - you deserved it (5352)
On 11/15/2010 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after moving house, changing my number, my email, and beginning legal action to get away from a girl who was stalking me, I decided to go to the movies to relax. As soon as I got in my seat, that same girl walked into the nearly empty theatre. She sat next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29969) - you deserved it (2306)
On 11/05/2010 at 5:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7169) - you deserved it (27274)
On 11/01/2010 at 7:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Monday 20 May 2013
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