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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I took my four year old son to the playground. When it was time to go, he squirmed out of my arms back to the jungle gym. Not being the type of mother to put up with bad behavior, I swatted his rear and told him we had to go. That's when I realized I'd just spanked the wrong child who was wearing the same coat as my son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9940) - you deserved it (30489)
On 11/05/2010 at 1:29pm - kids - by lilmamma - United States (California)
Today, my dog barked for 30 minutes with me yelling for him to shut up. Guess that's how long it takes someone to steal the rims from my truck. Good dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4361) - you deserved it (23840)
On 02/20/2010 at 5:36am - animals - by rimjob - United States
Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said,"Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18590) - you deserved it (2114)
On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22705) - you deserved it (1634)
On 02/05/2010 at 2:01pm - intimacy - by michelle - Sent from mobile version
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6720) - you deserved it (20143)
On 10/01/2009 at 10:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario) - moderated by Kevin Nealon
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (4215)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27455) - you deserved it (1264)
On 09/15/2009 at 5:58am - intimacy - by Confused (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I was shaving and I sneezed unexpectedly. I ended up cutting myself so badly that I had to go to the emergency room. It wouldn't have been quite so humiliating if I hadn't been forced to show the extremely attractive doctor my sliced open and half shaved crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16755) - you deserved it (3192)
On 09/14/2009 at 8:58am - intimacy - by Humiliated (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17472) - you deserved it (4460)
On 09/08/2009 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by TRAMATIZED (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my parents decided I was old enough to know that my mother doesnt really have horrible nightmares. She's a screamer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25302) - you deserved it (1601)
On 08/31/2009 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by UGH (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to give a speech on the importance of dental hygiene. I got really nervous, so I did what I've heard in movies. I pictured everyone naked, began staring at a hot blonde in the front, and got hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10336) - you deserved it (36147)
On 08/29/2009 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by SOdamnNervous (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38622) - you deserved it (3329)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I grabbed the nearest plastic bag in my bedroom when my boyfriend and I left for Wal-Mart so I could return a pair of shorts. When the cashier dumped the contents of the bag onto the counter at customer service, my shorts and a used condom fell out. It was the longest return of my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9381) - you deserved it (37698)
On 08/16/2009 at 2:51pm - intimacy - by lolreturn (woman) - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42539) - you deserved it (5279)
On 08/12/2009 at 10:25am - misc - by maidmyday (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13996) - you deserved it (42998)
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