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Im_Jesus_BITCH

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Im_Jesus_BITCH
  • Town/Country : Winnipeg, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 March 1991 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 2868
  • Number of comments : 57
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Im_Jesus_BITCH : I'm Jesus, and I declare that butt sex is a sin when forced upon the unwilling or unsure. No negotiations.

Oh, and I love metal.

Im_Jesus_BITCH's last visitors

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It’s in the can

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Im_Jesus_BITCH's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24541) - you deserved it (2252)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41779) - you deserved it (14373)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30789) - you deserved it (4550)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39779) - you deserved it (27802)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

#15445630
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32163) - you deserved it (4398)

On 03/23/2011 at 7:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

#15445507
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27191) - you deserved it (14636)

On 03/23/2011 at 7:25am - misc - by cupcakelady127 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

#15370334
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39590) - you deserved it (8929)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, my husband bought a horse. We don't own any furniture, but we have a flippin' horse. FML

#15317842
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48011) - you deserved it (6233)

On 03/15/2011 at 2:01am - money - by neverthefirst -

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

#15317811
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28605) - you deserved it (11292)

On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

#14921394
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9696) - you deserved it (31991)

On 02/10/2011 at 11:09am - misc - by Jaws (man) - France (Alsace)

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

#14894865
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26641) - you deserved it (3116)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:27am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67079) - you deserved it (6317)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

#14813410
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (6506)

On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

#14696721
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6087) - you deserved it (45672)

On 01/24/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by moxy -

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

#14613102
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26915) - you deserved it (3179) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins



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