Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Im_Jesus_BITCH

Search for a member

Im_Jesus_BITCH

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 20 March 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3557
  • Number of comments : 57
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Im_Jesus_BITCH : I'm Jesus, and I declare that butt sex is a sin when forced upon the unwilling or unsure. No negotiations.

Oh, and I love metal.

Im_Jesus_BITCH's page activity

Visits<b>RynieT</b> - the 07/22/2013 at 10:52pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:08pm<b>FMyProfile</b> - the 07/28/2010 at 4:34pm<b>Qlimax8</b> - the 05/21/2010 at 5:34pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 04/29/2010 at 5:08am<b>Shokz992</b> - the 04/06/2010 at 8:34pm<b>lxclark</b> - the 03/26/2010 at 1:38am<b>Angeledice</b> - the 03/23/2010 at 10:27am<b>Kaaides</b> - the 03/17/2010 at 6:11pm<b>moralgo</b> - the 02/26/2010 at 6:48am<b>trevlain</b> - the 02/26/2010 at 4:05am<b>Stevestud</b> - the 02/25/2010 at 9:46am<b>compasseagle89</b> - the 02/25/2010 at 8:00am<b>voice_of_reasonx</b> - the 02/25/2010 at 7:34am<b>MeItz</b> - the 02/24/2010 at 5:41pm<b>joeinthedark</b> - the 02/24/2010 at 9:47am<b>xnty</b> - the 02/23/2010 at 9:20pm<b>Peroxide</b> - the 02/22/2010 at 7:41am

Im_Jesus_BITCH's FML badges

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Im_Jesus_BITCH's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML

#15748072
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29239) - you deserved it (2937)

On 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm - health - by ILiveWithMorons (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46198) - you deserved it (15428)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33419) - you deserved it (4813)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

#15514877
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42067) - you deserved it (28675)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - misc - by rowie1311 (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

#15445630
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34592) - you deserved it (4597)

On 03/23/2011 at 7:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into a wreck thanks to a big flashing sign on the highway that said "Keep your eyes on the road" that distracted me. FML

#15445507
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30272) - you deserved it (15568)

On 03/23/2011 at 7:25am - misc - by cupcakelady127 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

#15370334
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42527) - you deserved it (9350)

On 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm - misc - by Jonathan (man) - Denmark (Midtjyllen)

Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML

#15317811
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30790) - you deserved it (11858)

On 03/15/2011 at 1:58am - misc - by Megara (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

#14921394
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11376) - you deserved it (34955)

On 02/10/2011 at 11:09am - misc - by Jaws (man) - France (Alsace)

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

#14894865
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29584) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/08/2011 at 11:27am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69860) - you deserved it (6570)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

#14813410
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33665) - you deserved it (6813)

On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)

Today, I got into a car accident. Why? I was distracted by a floating spec of dust and was pretending I was in space. FML

#14696721
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7953) - you deserved it (58982)

On 01/24/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by moxy -

Today, I was quietly reading in the subway, when all of a sudden, at a station, the man sitting next to me stood up, slapped me, yelled "Bitch!", and rushed off the train. FML

#14613102
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28841) - you deserved it (3331) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 11:46am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

#14610613
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (26854) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 4:53am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: