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Illusionist2409's favorite FMLs
by fmlman / 03/15/2013 at 1:44am / United States (Wyoming) / Miscellaneous
Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML
by ShadowBox / 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 3:56am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by alliez108 / 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
by dunicha / 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML
by jdancerchick / 11/16/2011 at 8:47am / United States / Transportation
by halloweed / 11/16/2011 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Brie / 05/29/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML
by rockyrocket / 04/26/2011 at 3:19pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Health
by Scarlett / 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Love
- Today, I realized that I don't always lose stuff. However, when I do it's my tablet that contains… Today I was in the movie theaters, my crush happened to be there. My crush turned around and looked… Today, while taking a shower my dad burst through the door and startled me, making me sling soap in…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only…