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Illusionist2409

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Illusionist2409

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 439
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Illusionist2409's page activity

Visits<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 1:31pm

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Illusionist2409's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38983) - you deserved it (5679)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I met the man of my dreams. We saw a movie, then went to a bar. It went perfectly, until he got wasted and started singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" to me while everyone laughed. Then I woke up, having just been Rickrolled by my own subconscious. FML

#20540752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33526) - you deserved it (5051)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43pm - misc - by ShadowBox (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

#20539287
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49524) - you deserved it (24489)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40240) - you deserved it (5355)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML

#18864677
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25392) - you deserved it (2327)

On 01/20/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML

#18275537
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24845) - you deserved it (6922)

On 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm - misc - by alliez108 - United States

Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML

#18266824
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9173) - you deserved it (33162)

On 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by dunicha - United States (Texas)

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

#18262782
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26084) - you deserved it (4092)

On 11/16/2011 at 8:47am - misc - by jdancerchick - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML

#18260975
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36388) - you deserved it (6895)

On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

#17578977
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35898) - you deserved it (2585)

On 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

#16403007
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36992) - you deserved it (10407)

On 05/29/2011 at 2:22pm - animals - by Brie - United States

Today, I was out shopping. It was fine until my dental crossbow broke as I was laughing. The springs locked, and I couldn't close my mouth. The orthodontist couldn't see me for two hours, leaving me to walk around town with my mouth hanging open like a psychopath. FML

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

#15934305
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44763) - you deserved it (5615)

On 04/26/2011 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by Scarlett - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

#14608701
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32746) - you deserved it (5719) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins



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