Ibitezombiesyum

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Ibitezombiesyum

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 2 July 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 935
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Ibitezombiesyum's page activity

Visits<b>Dusty_Cups</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 3:49am<b>julianthegreat</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 5:09pm<b>okthelegend</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 9:47pm<b>maggiefox</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 2:00am<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 11:56pm<b>FamousPeace</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 9:22pm<b>Alchemics</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 8:51am<b>aaaaaaaaaaaaazz</b> - the 09/25/2013 at 9:33pm<b>mefq</b> - the 07/26/2013 at 4:14am<b>haylburg</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 2:21pm<b>bearbear120</b> - the 06/21/2013 at 6:58pm<b>BlackRuse</b> - the 05/28/2013 at 2:28am<b>cosicosei</b> - the 05/09/2013 at 8:30pm<b>Kalynnasaurus</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 8:34pm<b>Dodopy</b> - the 04/15/2013 at 9:16pm<b>Clam_igger</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 4:32pm<b>FinJage</b> - the 03/21/2013 at 5:23pm<b>efelsh</b> - the 03/06/2013 at 10:34pm

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Ibitezombiesyum's favorite FMLs

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

by protoplasm stole my seat / 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family. Instead of a happy reunion, I was terribly emasculated, publicly, for bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

by badenoughflowers / 01/14/2013 at 10:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

by lovingthis / 01/09/2013 at 11:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

by alynna007 / 01/02/2013 at 5:31am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

by kmtranter / 12/28/2012 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Intimacy

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

by dating a fking cnt / 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm / Canada / Health

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

by John / 06/30/2012 at 1:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I reached behind my couch to plug my phone charger in. My arm got stuck and I had to wait for my roommate to get home to help me. FML

by jenny2989 / 06/06/2012 at 8:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

by brunurb / 05/29/2012 at 7:40am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my car broke down and had to be towed to the dealership. Normally, this would be just unlucky but I work with kids and we had been fundraising for charity. I am now sitting at the dealership with my hair coloured purple, red and blue and in ridiculously high pigtails while people stare. FML

by straightlyconfused / 05/27/2012 at 9:20am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

by Anonymoosey / 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML