Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 11/25/2014 at 4:25am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 June 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6584
  • Number of comments : 690
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Iamnotmyself : I shall become a God, I was one before, I shall be reborn anew.

Ari Arias

Iamnotmyself's page activity

Visits<b>WKAYULREO</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 4:58pm<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 10:30am<b>nopenopenopeneva</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 9:10pm<b>star97</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 11:51pm<b>Scorpio1691</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 9:59am<b>krazy789</b> - the 01/15/2016 at 11:39pm<b>Torvaltz</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 8:18pm<b>sangoskywalker</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 7:16pm<b>grigri75</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 10:02am<b>GeorgiaBea</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 5:38pm<b>momo3p</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 3:13pm<b>hussamhasi</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 6:20pm<b>11bGrunT</b> - the 12/27/2015 at 5:28pm<b>AndyPurdy</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:51am<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 7:09pm<b>JimonSern</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 10:14am<b>djfiggz58</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 6:50pm<b>BiGTiMeNeRD</b> - the 12/07/2015 at 10:23pm

Fucked!<b>Scorpio1691</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 12:04am<b>sleepyfires</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:05pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 6:42pm<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 3:49am<b>SuperVertigo</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 2:22am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:42am<b>apineapple</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 11:35pm<b>Sccrstud2</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 12:30am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:44am<b>liammarkowitz</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 8:27pm<b>Krazybloo</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:39am<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:14pm

Iamnotmyself's FML badges


Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of Iamnotmyself's badges

Iamnotmyself's favorite FMLs

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46801) - you deserved it (2446)

On 01/17/2010 at 9:41am - misc - by forgottendaughter (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28767) - you deserved it (7426)

On 01/06/2010 at 2:25am - misc - by Nox (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46477) - you deserved it (2780)

On 11/22/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64067) - you deserved it (3283)

On 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm - misc - by poorgirl (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML


I agree, your life sucks (25197) - you deserved it (37221)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:00am - animals - by polish_chik - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51741) - you deserved it (21345)

On 08/10/2009 at 12:25am - animals - by Entheatus (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22629) - you deserved it (48273)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML


I agree, your life sucks (45215) - you deserved it (10974)

On 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm - misc - by BrandNewKadillak - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10859) - you deserved it (112467)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22008) - you deserved it (86280)

On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML


I agree, your life sucks (1240223) - you deserved it (137740)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (258287) - you deserved it (88109)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML


I agree, your life sucks (40149) - you deserved it (2733)

On 02/11/2009 at 12:16am - misc - by Casper (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33855) - you deserved it (7705)

On 11/12/2008 at 3:10am - intimacy - by aur - Sent from mobile version

Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: