Iamnotmyself

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Offline (the 11/25/2014 at 4:25am)

Iamnotmyself

15Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 June 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6717
  • Number of comments : 690
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Iamnotmyself : I shall become a God, I was one before, I shall be reborn anew.

Ari Arias

Iamnotmyself's page activity

Visits<b>BoneCollector</b> - 23 hours ago<b>walker9879</b> - yesterday at 6:14pm<b>player20270</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 9:01am<b>bolee997</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 4:58am<b>holly_fly</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 10:29pm<b>Dragonstorm786</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 4:24am<b>Kitty1811</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 3:55am<b>pillowmountain</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 3:41pm<b>Talis99</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:58am<b>Erebos_</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 2:15am<b>rhiley</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 3:54am<b>Dawdlepuss</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 4:53pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 04/04/2016 at 4:17pm<b>chlolo95</b> - the 03/24/2016 at 2:39pm<b>ExtremeEncounter</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 1:49pm<b>crudeandrudeguy</b> - the 03/13/2016 at 11:03pm<b>plsdonthateme</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 3:45pm<b>LostCosmo</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:36am

Fucked!<b>Dragonstorm786</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 10:24am<b>Crazion</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 7:16pm<b>Scorpio1691</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 12:04am<b>sleepyfires</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:05pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 6:42pm<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 3:49am<b>SuperVertigo</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 2:22am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:42am<b>apineapple</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 11:35pm<b>Sccrstud2</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 12:30am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:44am<b>liammarkowitz</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 8:27pm<b>Krazybloo</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:39am<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:14pm

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50 quality responses

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Iamnotmyself's favorite FMLs

Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML

by forgottendaughter / 01/17/2010 at 9:41am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend accused me of not having any friends. So I sent out a mass text saying "Hey, what's up?" to prove her wrong. I didn't get any replies. FML

by Nox / 01/06/2010 at 2:25am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

by anonymous / 11/22/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

by poorgirl / 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

by polish_chik / 09/01/2009 at 12:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

by Entheatus / 08/10/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

by fatty / 06/09/2009 at 4:39am / Germany (Hessen) / Health

Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML

by BrandNewKadillak / 04/29/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

by lisa321 / 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

by blondie / 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

by Casper / 02/11/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

by aur / 11/12/2008 at 3:10am / Intimacy