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Iamnotmyself

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Iamnotmyself

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 June 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5223
  • Number of comments : 690
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Iamnotmyself : I shall become a God, I was one before, I shall be reborn anew.

Ari Arias

Iamnotmyself's page activity

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Iamnotmyself's favorite FMLs

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

#17104871
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21499) - you deserved it (8212)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:59am - misc - by Boo (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73500) - you deserved it (7666)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33631) - you deserved it (3604)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

#16724592
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14253) - you deserved it (52042)

On 06/18/2011 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Khrixas_069 - United States (California)

Today, I realised I'm sitting at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

#16718637
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28777) - you deserved it (9401)

On 06/17/2011 at 9:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

#16715117
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42710) - you deserved it (3721)

On 06/17/2011 at 5:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

#16714444
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31394) - you deserved it (2122)

On 06/17/2011 at 4:23pm - misc - by ajdown (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

#16166972
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28324) - you deserved it (4862)

On 05/14/2011 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

#14459916
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30249) - you deserved it (8879)

On 01/04/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

#14209327
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9346) - you deserved it (40357)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to school in my brand new shirt. It was loose fitting and a bit thin, so I wore a sweatshirt on top, intending to take it in once inside. When I got to my seat, I took off my sweatshirt, but also took off my shirt with it, flashing my whole class. FML

#13889988
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26337) - you deserved it (10348)

On 11/18/2010 at 6:12pm - misc - by Amanda Ross - United States (Maryland)

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

#13847372
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26280) - you deserved it (3127)

On 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm - intimacy - by vansboy -

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

#13621862
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43633) - you deserved it (3034)

On 10/28/2010 at 12:27am - love - by heshay - United States (Texas)

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

#13521547
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35206) - you deserved it (2965)

On 10/20/2010 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

#9031003
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18070) - you deserved it (3758)

On 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm - work - by ams (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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