Iamnotmyself

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Offline (the 11/25/2014 at 4:25am)

Iamnotmyself

15Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 June 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7105
  • Number of comments : 690
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Iamnotmyself : I shall become a God, I was one before, I shall be reborn anew.

Ari Arias

Iamnotmyself's page activity

Visits<b>claudiajean</b> - the 09/26/2016 at 11:21pm<b>stereotypicalme</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 1:58pm<b>AmericanBadAss</b> - the 08/27/2016 at 8:44am<b>Maxwellminpin</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 11:55pm<b>vaxc</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 12:15am<b>Dide9872</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 10:28am<b>nesteremily</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 3:44am<b>guskta</b> - the 06/17/2016 at 5:39am<b>BoneCollector</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 4:40pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 05/27/2016 at 6:14pm<b>player20270</b> - the 05/26/2016 at 9:01am<b>bolee997</b> - the 05/14/2016 at 4:58am<b>holly_fly</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 10:29pm<b>Dragonstorm786</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 4:24am<b>Kitty1811</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 3:55am<b>pillowmountain</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 3:41pm<b>Talis99</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 3:58am<b>Erebos_</b> - the 04/11/2016 at 2:15am

Fucked!<b>Dragonstorm786</b> - the 05/08/2016 at 10:24am<b>Crazion</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 7:16pm<b>Scorpio1691</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 4:00pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 12:04am<b>sleepyfires</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 3:05pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 6:42pm<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 3:49am<b>SuperVertigo</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 2:22am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 3:42am<b>apineapple</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 11:35pm<b>Sccrstud2</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 12:30am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 11:44am<b>liammarkowitz</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 8:27pm<b>Krazybloo</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 1:39am<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 11:14pm

Iamnotmyself's FML badges

Perfectionist

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50 quality responses

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Iamnotmyself's favorite FMLs

Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML

by Boo / 07/14/2011 at 4:59am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2011 at 1:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

by Username / 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML

by Khrixas_069 / 06/18/2011 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 9:26pm / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 5:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have an eight hour transatlantic flight and the person sitting next to me has already filled his third sick bag. This wouldn't be quite so bad were we not still at the terminal with passengers still boarding the plane. FML

by ajdown / 06/17/2011 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

by Anonymous / 05/14/2011 at 1:44am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 4:01am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2010 at 12:48am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I went to school in my brand new shirt. It was loose fitting and a bit thin, so I wore a sweatshirt on top, intending to take it in once inside. When I got to my seat, I took off my sweatshirt, but also took off my shirt with it, flashing my whole class. FML

by Amanda Ross / 11/18/2010 at 6:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family had a secret meeting on my "puberty issues." I'm 21. FML

by vansboy / 11/14/2010 at 11:26pm / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was seated in my section at work. As he sees me his face drops... he's on a date. He had forgotten I work there. I had to serve him and his date, and they didn't leave a tip. FML

by heshay / 10/28/2010 at 12:27am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

by ams / 03/12/2010 at 8:23pm / United States (Missouri) / Work