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Iamnotmyself

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Iamnotmyself
  • Town/Country : Las Vegas, Retard Land
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 11 June 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 5032
  • Number of comments : 690
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About Iamnotmyself : I shall become a God, I was one before, I shall be reborn anew.

Ari Arias

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Iamnotmyself's favorite FMLs

Today, I checked into a hotel because my boss had assigned me to a new position. As soon as the reception lady looked up, she had me kicked out of the hotel. Apparently, one of the regulations is, "No prostitutes allowed." I was wearing a business suit. FML

#17440698
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27705) - you deserved it (3734)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:58pm - work - by Anonymous - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

#17436937
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22126) - you deserved it (2647)

On 08/11/2011 at 2:04am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I zoned out in a coffee shop for about two minutes and was brought back to reality when a woman smacked me out of my seat. Apparently I was staring at her chest while zoned out. FML

#17436721
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25382) - you deserved it (6153)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

#17428761
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25686) - you deserved it (19947)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:12pm - misc - by elvisfreak5446 - United States (Illinois)

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24413) - you deserved it (13261)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

#17207535
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11559) - you deserved it (32280)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm - work - by ohmygosh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after watching Insidious, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to scare me while I was on the toilet. I was in mid-piss when he jumped out at me, and I ran screaming and peeing down the hall. FML

#17206347
355 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35882) - you deserved it (7774)

On 07/21/2011 at 5:24pm - love - by toni405 - United States

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

#17190246
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34937) - you deserved it (10176)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

#17150480
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14375) - you deserved it (24800)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by CaoiiBieber - Ireland

Today, I had to endure a long story about how and why my brother shaves his pubes. FML

#17148307
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28248) - you deserved it (4256)

On 07/17/2011 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Username - United States (California)

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

#17145702
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31794) - you deserved it (7250)

On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)

Today, I Googled my ex-husband only to find that in the years since we've split he now fancies himself as a stand-up comic. His material? Our sex life. FML

#17143306
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33933) - you deserved it (8153)

On 07/17/2011 at 12:20am - intimacy - by it_IS_just_me (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

#17140359
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28199) - you deserved it (2115)

On 07/16/2011 at 8:19pm - health - by imobesejk (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

#17140315
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25625) - you deserved it (3107)

On 07/16/2011 at 8:17pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

#17137243
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31390) - you deserved it (16448)

On 07/16/2011 at 3:19pm - work - by Brian - United States



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