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Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19219) - you totally deserved it (1526)
On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21676) - you totally deserved it (3771)
On 10/24/2009 at 2:27pm - misc - by marz88 (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you totally deserved it (4465)
On 10/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by meg265 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17077) - you totally deserved it (2366)
On 10/17/2009 at 4:20am - work - by PukinFireman (man) - United States
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4248) - you totally deserved it (24302)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you totally deserved it (4721)
On 10/08/2009 at 1:05am - misc - by belle_arina (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my english teacher asked me why I didn't have my project completed. Thinking quick on my feet I told her it was because my grandmother had just passed away. Apparently they go to the same country club and have known each other for years. My teacher started crying and ran out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3784) - you totally deserved it (37552)
On 10/02/2009 at 5:07pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend who had just been awakened by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33995) - you totally deserved it (2007)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, after working an 11 hour shift, I decided to treat myself to a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut. When I got home, I sat down, put my feet up, poured myself a cold glass of milk. My dog jumps on my lap and vomits all over my doughnuts, stares at me then bites the doughnut out of my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25255) - you totally deserved it (2615)
On 09/28/2009 at 2:41am - misc - by Heww (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to sneak up my husband while he was playing a computer game. As I was getting behind the chair, he paused the game and sat up straight. I stopped. He turned around and sneezed violently and blew a bunch of snot into my face and eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17534) - you totally deserved it (9854)
On 09/25/2009 at 11:47pm - health - by snottyface (woman) - United States
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23985) - you totally deserved it (1953)
On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my co-worker came back from Thailand with big new breasts. She told me to go ahead and touch them because they have a funny texture for the first few months. When our GM entered the room, I had both hands down my co-worker's shirt, agreeing that they were unnaturally firm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7619) - you totally deserved it (20959)
On 09/10/2009 at 2:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I had my friend Mark over for dinner. My Dad asked him what his dad did for a living. We all squirmed a bit when he told us that his dad died last year. We all went about finishing our meal when suddenly my dad says: "I'm sorry, Mark, what did you say your dad did for a living again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35028) - you totally deserved it (1007)
On 08/25/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by youzabadgirl12 - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn't know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 2:45pm - love - by Lil (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
