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Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27575) - you deserved it (2478)
On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom
Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39588) - you deserved it (2653)
On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I had to sit my 13-year-old son down and explain to him that I'd noticed that his pajamas feel a little "crispy" when I pick them up to do the laundry, and ask if he could start using tissues when having some "alone time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8833) - you deserved it (1518)
On 02/01/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by stainseverywhere (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21422) - you deserved it (1653)
On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3043) - you deserved it (6954)
On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada
Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10588) - you deserved it (963)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21172) - you deserved it (2500)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:35am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10678) - you deserved it (934)
On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31925) - you deserved it (5128)
On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22079) - you deserved it (2453)
On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23225) - you deserved it (6237)
On 11/03/2011 at 7:48pm - intimacy - by KayleeXLoVe21 - United States (New York)
Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23173) - you deserved it (10113)
On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I had a relaxing night watching movies with my room-mates. Everyone but I had a girl over to lie with during the movie. The closest I got all night was the multiple times my room-mate's dog tried to mount me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19695) - you deserved it (2356)
On 10/31/2011 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Hollywoodanonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15446) - you deserved it (1335)
On 10/28/2011 at 7:50am - misc - by -__- - Australia (Queensland)
Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12753) - you deserved it (1681)
On 10/12/2011 at 12:26am - intimacy - by ksamp - United States (Arkansas)
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