About HowAreYouToday : How are you today? Personally, I have seen better days... I came to Earth on the ship Degui MXXVIII, after my planet Vlou was destroyed by the invading Ortri soldiers. When I arrived in 1760, I was shocked at how primitive your species was, and set out on a quest to change that. Now, all these years later, you're living that story...
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, I was fired from my job. My boss turned to everyone and said, "Allow me to escort this trash out of the office." Everyone cheered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9907) - you deserved it (20639)
On 08/02/2012 at 2:50am - work - by Unwanted - United States (California)
Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17330) - you deserved it (6051)
On 07/27/2012 at 5:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)
Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (1402)
On 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19553) - you deserved it (1361)
On 07/24/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by Uncircumcised Penis - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my thoughts that I'm going crazy were confirmed when I got into the shower with my socks on. The worst part is that I didn't realize it for a good five minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13348) - you deserved it (3443)
On 07/16/2012 at 4:12am - health - by goincrazy - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7720) - you deserved it (21673)
On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20664) - you deserved it (2961)
On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia
Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50762) - you deserved it (3669)
On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18638) - you deserved it (2894)
On 06/28/2012 at 1:36pm - misc - by whoslade (man) - United States
Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16804) - you deserved it (8204)
On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23069) - you deserved it (2056)
On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States
Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15461) - you deserved it (4091)
On 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Schaf_12 (man) - Austria (Wien)
Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18761) - you deserved it (2420)
On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, neither of my parents fought for my custody. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43220) - you deserved it (2315)
On 06/10/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anon - United States
Today, I couldn't find my hairbrush anywhere; I ended up having to brush my hair with a fork. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14212) - you deserved it (4633)
On 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by jemila (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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