About HowAreYouToday : How are you today? Personally, I have seen better days... I came to Earth on the ship Degui MXXVIII, after my planet Vlou was destroyed by the invading Ortri soldiers. When I arrived in 1760, I was shocked at how primitive your species was, and set out on a quest to change that. Now, all these years later, you're living that story...
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12625) - you deserved it (25848)
On 10/07/2009 at 12:39am - love - by NotAParabola (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42947) - you deserved it (3605)
On 10/03/2009 at 7:43am - love - by Anon (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)
Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20801) - you deserved it (3690)
On 09/16/2009 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I realized that when my new roommate said we could both use the condoms he bought, he didn't mean separately. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32168) - you deserved it (3032)
On 09/13/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, after two years of dating, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend on my birthday. It wasn't as all like I dreamed about; I dreamt that I wasn't allergic to latex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46092) - you deserved it (3806)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:16am - love - by arsewipe92 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I found out my boyfriend of two years has children. Not one, not two, but three. Not with one, two, but three women. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40216) - you deserved it (3496)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by helenablitz (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that I was adopted, now my gay brother thinks it's acceptable to tell me that he's always wanted to have sex with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83019) - you deserved it (3339)
On 08/12/2009 at 11:13pm - intimacy - by JPF (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50868) - you deserved it (21110)
On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30657) - you deserved it (7946)
On 07/22/2009 at 4:16am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39799) - you deserved it (5814)
On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - work - by Eh... (man) - Ukraine (Kyyivs'ka Oblast')
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58603) - you deserved it (156990)
On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59014) - you deserved it (30959)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25510) - you deserved it (58794)
On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33787) - you deserved it (28094)
On 05/31/2009 at 11:12pm - misc - by bluehairedfreakgirl (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42787) - you deserved it (16215)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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