About HowAreYouToday : How are you today? Personally, I have seen better days... I came to Earth on the ship Degui MXXVIII, after my planet Vlou was destroyed by the invading Ortri soldiers. When I arrived in 1760, I was shocked at how primitive your species was, and set out on a quest to change that. Now, all these years later, you're living that story...
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40175) - you deserved it (7903)
On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26022) - you deserved it (1968)
On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19052) - you deserved it (57923)
On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I woke up to my husband taking a piss on our bedroom floor. I screamed that he wasn't in the bathroom, to which he responded, "Shut up! I'm taking a piss, let me finish!" He has no recollection of the event. Now I have to clean up his piss and rewash my clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27805) - you deserved it (2713)
On 04/02/2013 at 2:42pm - misc - by MilleeMacabre - United States
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60671) - you deserved it (5773)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25645) - you deserved it (2647)
Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27303) - you deserved it (1551)
On 03/01/2013 at 10:52am - work - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27978) - you deserved it (4692)
On 02/27/2013 at 11:43am - misc - by dangerZone - United States (Georgia)
Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46560) - you deserved it (3137) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm - health - by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison (woman) - France (Languedoc-Roussillon)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25916) - you deserved it (2097)
Today, I emailed 10 parents inviting them to my son's birthday party. All 10 emailed back saying their kids had to get a cavity filled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26247) - you deserved it (2173)
On 02/22/2013 at 9:51am - kids - by Paris101 - United States (Missouri)
Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33519) - you deserved it (7833)
On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I uploaded a new Facebook profile photo, which got over 20 likes in the space of an hour. The most I've ever gotten before was 10. Surprised, I went to check my picture again, only to notice two guys were sarcastically flipping me the bird in the background. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22014) - you deserved it (5597)
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (6804)
On 02/20/2013 at 11:36am - work - by Apparently not a writer (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25450) - you deserved it (2280)
On 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm - work - by ari (woman) - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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