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Holybatman

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Holybatman
  • Town/Country : Calgary, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 11476
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Holybatman's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

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Holybatman's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

#15921187
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34041) - you deserved it (18092)

On 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML

#15791793
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27021) - you deserved it (6813)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:47am - misc - by HWS - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I held a door open for my boyfriend and jokingly said, "Chivalry is dead?" He responded with, "Who's chivalry?" FML

#15780453
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23990) - you deserved it (5689)

On 04/14/2011 at 1:49am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

#15773415
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38532) - you deserved it (5133)

On 04/13/2011 at 6:57pm - misc - by FrOsTy25 -

Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML

#15689695
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13507) - you deserved it (38263)

On 04/08/2011 at 1:31am - love - by Payte -

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

#15678976
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28704) - you deserved it (10136)

On 04/07/2011 at 11:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

#15676274
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41058) - you deserved it (3501)

On 04/07/2011 at 3:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12983) - you deserved it (67021)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

#15538339
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30789) - you deserved it (4550)

On 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by -_- - United States (Florida)

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

#15531750
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38249) - you deserved it (4863)

On 03/28/2011 at 2:48pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

#15514869
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40827) - you deserved it (5283)

On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Kentucky)

Today, to make my dorm neighbours think I'm popular, I blasted music and screamed at the top of my lungs so it sounded like I was having a party. My residence manager slapped me with a noise violation, and demanded to come in to make sure we weren't drinking. I had to explain why I was by myself. FML

#15486650
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7553) - you deserved it (49260)

On 03/25/2011 at 7:05pm - misc - by freshman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

#15485596
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20239) - you deserved it (8753)

On 03/25/2011 at 5:52pm - animals - by fish killer - United States (Illinois)

Today, to celebrate my older sister's 21st birthday, my parents forced me to take the night off work so we could all go to the casino. Not only is this coming out of my vacation, I wasn't old enough to enter the casino, so I had to sit in the car. FML

#15483665
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32996) - you deserved it (3824)

On 03/25/2011 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

#15482559
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33149) - you deserved it (3490)

On 03/25/2011 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by ewww - United States



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