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Holybatman

Offline (the 11/10/2014 at 9:00am) | Search for a member

Holybatman

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 15287
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Holybatman's favorite FMLs

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

#16591385
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39697) - you deserved it (4371)

On 06/10/2011 at 4:09am - work - by lilben (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50327) - you deserved it (7818)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML

#16542323
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12088) - you deserved it (40024)

On 06/07/2011 at 3:50am - intimacy - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

#16520207
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29438) - you deserved it (4040)

On 06/05/2011 at 9:44pm - kids - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16448) - you deserved it (27808)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

#16418676
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33188) - you deserved it (15034)

On 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm - misc - by OopsKid (man) - France

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

#16367942
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you deserved it (2763)

On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - work - by Alice - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML

#16355450
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27721) - you deserved it (6334)

On 05/26/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by Emoney1 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

#16341966
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47326) - you deserved it (9015)

On 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm - love - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my dad came to my graduate art show wearing a t-shirt saying "My other daughter is a science major". He'd had it specially made. FML

#16341041
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38903) - you deserved it (6918)

On 05/25/2011 at 10:06am - misc - by art_major (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

#16326196
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35633) - you deserved it (7561)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:59am - misc - by BurnedByAWaiter -

Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML

#16287224
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41896) - you deserved it (5613)

On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

#16248002
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11300) - you deserved it (63425)

On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

#16221973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49496) - you deserved it (25920)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

#16205540
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61968) - you deserved it (9680)

On 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm - health - by Bobby M - Ireland (Carlow)



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