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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
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Holybatman's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandmother's graduation presents came for my sisters. Not only did she remember to send them cards, but money too. My graduation was a year ago, I received nothing, and last time she saw me, she didn't know my name. FML
by UnlovedGrandchild / 06/13/2011 at 9:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
by Ryan / 06/11/2011 at 10:24am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML
by lilben / 06/10/2011 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
by MakeMeASandwich / 06/10/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was reading a crappy "How to spice up your marriage" book with my husband for laughs. One of the ideas was for the guy to whip his knob out, stand behind his girl and say "Can you say that into the microphone?" Now he does it every chance he gets, and I fall for it EVERY TIME. FML
by Kate / 06/07/2011 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML
by Whoops / 06/05/2011 at 9:44pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Username / 06/01/2011 at 8:35am / Canada / Work
by OopsKid / 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
by Alice / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Emoney1 / 05/26/2011 at 10:06am / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Username / 05/25/2011 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Love
by art_major / 05/25/2011 at 10:06am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
by BurnedByAWaiter / 05/24/2011 at 9:59am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by 613tanner / 05/19/2011 at 1:30am / Transportation