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Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (707) - you deserved it (4810)
On 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm - misc - by Alyssa - United States
Today, I had a debate with my girlfriend about whether giving birth or getting kicked in the balls hurts more. It ended up with her kicking me in the balls. I was the one who said giving birth hurt more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4877) - you deserved it (884)
Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML
I agree, your life sucks (873) - you deserved it (4954)
On 02/11/2012 at 11:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5216) - you deserved it (395)
On 02/11/2012 at 10:01pm - love - by Anon - United States (Arizona)
Today, I looked over my next homework assignment for art class. It was to draw a portrait of my best friend. I can't think of anyone besides my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5037) - you deserved it (661)
On 02/11/2012 at 2:20pm - misc - by soupisyummy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friend and I were playing Oregon Trail online. I googled "dysentery", and sent her an IM about the mind-blowing number of cartoons of people violently shitting everywhere. I accidentally sent it to my aunt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1192) - you deserved it (3336)
On 02/11/2012 at 2:10pm - misc - by Gabby (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5162) - you deserved it (805)
On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6534) - you deserved it (950)
On 01/08/2012 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9666) - you deserved it (2474)
On 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by lorahayes (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8649) - you deserved it (2287)
On 01/04/2012 at 10:07pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7731) - you deserved it (5491)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16247) - you deserved it (8192)
On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out my girlfriend starts random fights with me over text because apparently, when I'm arguing with someone, I stop speaking in "annoying shorthand" and am grammatically correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2473) - you deserved it (8989)
On 12/29/2011 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2774) - you deserved it (24232)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, I got to say, "My best friend hooked up with my step-sister's grandma's aunt" and be correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7972) - you deserved it (687)
On 12/09/2011 at 12:22am - love - by thatisnotcool45 - Canada
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