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Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next level, she suddenly burst into tears and said, "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48220) - you deserved it (6283)
On 06/11/2011 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30185) - you deserved it (4135)
On 06/07/2011 at 1:05pm - work - by disappointed (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24948) - you deserved it (4740)
On 01/12/2011 at 12:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21122) - you deserved it (4124)
Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58008) - you deserved it (2755)
On 01/08/2011 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16661) - you deserved it (8161)
On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16661) - you deserved it (8161)
On 12/05/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29130) - you deserved it (4147)
On 12/04/2010 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said: "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28491) - you deserved it (3350)
On 09/12/2010 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31139) - you deserved it (7586)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31139) - you deserved it (7586)
On 09/11/2010 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by gorillalove - United States (Texas)
Today, my family and I argued whether getting a period or boner in the middle of class was worse. At the dinner table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20920) - you deserved it (9752)
On 09/10/2010 at 1:30am - intimacy - by Me - United States (Washington)
Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7790) - you deserved it (32101)
On 08/30/2010 at 8:04pm - misc - by tikizombie (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (5501)
On 08/30/2010 at 4:10pm - misc - by tikizombie (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was moving out of my old place. While walking around to make sure I would get my damage deposit back, I stepped on my roommate's lipstick and smeared it all over the white carpet. Then, I tripped on the phone cord and ripped the whole thing out of the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (5501)
On 08/30/2010 at 4:10pm - misc - by tikizombie (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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