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About Heartbroken81 : Problems always seem to find me.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48285) - you deserved it (22970)
On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57957) - you deserved it (11005)
On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83542) - you deserved it (7185)
On 06/11/2009 at 7:51am - money - by TSampson (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7134) - you deserved it (58072)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45660) - you deserved it (3199)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:43pm - love - by Ryuga (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was playing a medieval game with my brother, when he took all of his character's clothes off and said, "Let's have sex!" I looked at him and said, "UH YOU ARE MY BROTHER!" He turns and looks at me, smiling and says, "But not in the game!" I am a 19 year old girl. He is 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60101) - you deserved it (3461)
On 06/10/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Sylvania - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (88849) - you deserved it (52483)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17033) - you deserved it (42145)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (49319) - you deserved it (4446)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:12am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86625) - you deserved it (3069)
On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70739) - you deserved it (14822)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10623) - you deserved it (62963)
On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9475) - you deserved it (53953)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42506) - you deserved it (15161)
On 06/06/2009 at 2:48am - health - by XLhottie (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while laying out, I kept feeling something misty, like a spray bottle. Curious as to what it was since it kept coming, I looked up, only to see the painters were peeing over the side of the house, and the heavy breeze was turning their piss into a refreshing mist for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47944) - you deserved it (2372)
On 06/05/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by layout (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
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